My Summer So Far

What a month... Before the summer started me and my girls had made such plans. We were gonna have the best summer ever. This was Cheyenne's graduating year and her last year in 4H with her horse Riley. It has been a struggle to keep focused. My heart gets pulled in all different directions. I wear my heart on my sleeve and I have come to realize that so does Cheyenne. I have seen her give her heart to so many people and have watched it get hurt. Nothing hurts me more than to see that happen to my daughter. She is so strong in the Lord and has been through so much for her age and she has been strong for me  when I needed her to be so to see her hurt cuts right to my heart. How people can be so inconsiderate to such a kind soul is a mystery to me. The things that have been thrown at me the last few months I feel have started to make my heart hard. I feel like my priorities are getting out of order and it is time to fix that. My mind and my heart get caught up on all that is going on around me and I loose sight of what is most important. My Bible reading and time with the Lord, without Him I am nothing and my life is a wreck. My husband who is up everyday at 5am studying for his sermons for the week and out the door by 7:30 and lately home around 9:00pm always eager to spend what precious time he has with his family. He is a treasure that's for sure. He has been pastoring 2 churches for a couple of months now. One is in Kentucky, 45 minutes away. They were left without a pastor and he is filling in for them. He preaches there on Sunday mornings and Wednesdays while still holding services at our church in Dale Sunday evenings at 6:00pm. All this while running his business all by himself full time. I love him. My kids our my heart, and when they hurt, I hurt. They are all very special and talented and I long for each of them to be fully surrendered  to the Lord. I don't care what they do in this life or how they succeed or what they accomplish, that means nothing to me, my hearts desire is that they walk close to the Lord and find adventure in living a life for Him. Living life day by day I can feel my heart hardening toward people. People are such a disappointment as I am sure I am a disappointment to others as well. All I want is to be a blessing to people and to be loved. I have found out that it is much more complicated than that. Over the year I have seen Christians be so full of pride. I have seen people fall and be kicked while they are down. I have seen pastors have no grace when grace was needed and humility. I have been ashamed to be called a Baptist.Forgiveness is the new F-word it seems among Christians these days and no one is humble enough to admit their wrongs. They are content to just go on with life while others are hurting. I have seen preachers take a stand on some things but back down for the sake of their earthly relationships. Kids see it and loose respect for them. My world seems to be getting smaller and smaller and that's ok. If at the end of my life I am all alone, it will be hard, but will try to be content. Everyday is a spiritual battle. Everyday takes grace to go on. I will strive to be a better person, to forgive and put what I cannot control in the hands of God. To accept people for who they are and move on from those who I know are not good for me. I will try not to wear my heart on my sleeve and get hurt so easily. I just want to be the best Christian I can be and wife to my husband and mother to my children till the Lord comes back. Heaven sounds sweeter everyday.